In grade 5 or 6 I think I had recently read Roald Dahl's (no idea how to spell it) horrible nursery rhyme things and I decided to write my own…I've always liked the story of Rapunzel (the original one with the prince going blind and stuff) so here is my poem… Rapunzel!

Once there was a man and wife,

And boy, oh boy she caused him strife!

She would look out over her neighbours wall,

"I want some rapunzel!" she would call.

"Hurry up, I want some for my tea!

Lots of it just for me!"

Her desperate husband would obey,

And carry some of the plant away.

Unfortunately their neighbour, who was a witch,

Ran up to him with a stitch.

"The supermarket's just up the road,

Go get some from there or you'll soon be a toad!"

The poor man said, "Spare me witchy dear,

If my wife doesn't have some of yours she'll die I fear!"

"Then take it all, no fee,

Except your only child to be!"

The man left, the child was born,

Resembling not a beautiful flower but a thorn.

The witch happily took her away,

And shut her in a tower night and day.

The girl grew, getting uglier each week,

Until she looked like a total geek!

The witch would visit calling, "Brat, let down your hair!"

And it would be let down like a stair.

One day a prince was walking by,

When he saw the tower reaching into the sky.

He saw the witch climbing up,

And drinking from his royal cup.

Said, "I think I will attempt the climb,

What's up there must be worth a dime!"

When the witch left he went up keen,

To find the ugliest girl he had ever seen!

She demanded him to come each day,

Then carry her to his castle far away.

The prince refused as flatly as can be,

Rapunzel said, "That's a bad choice you will see!"

Hands on hips, face bright red,

She snatched up her rocket launcher and shot him dead.

Some time later the witch was there,

Rapunzel said, "For you this probably isn't fair,

But you way more than that last prince, the creep,"

She continued, "His headless body I still keep."

The witch said, "You selfish brat!

You killed him, I'll give you that,

But you didn't let me join the fun,

Well guess what honey bun?

I'm sending you away, anywhere!"

(She waved her hand in the air.)

I'll send you to a place so low,

That's it, I know!

I'll send you to a place unknown,

And guess what? There is no phone!"

The girl gasped, the witch laughed,

Rapunzel said, "Now don't be daft!"

But before she could say another word,

She was flying through the air like a bird.

She landed and was never found,

That's right, she never made another sound.

I hate to tell you, this ain't no fairy tale,

The witch never went to gaol.

And as for those under her bed,

Well, they still haven't any head.

I think I give Shakespeare a run for his money…well, if he had any, what with being dead and all…Anyways...I mean just look at the line "his headless body I still keep" - such beautiful phrasing! And note the way I rhyme 'up' with 'cup' and 'red' with 'dead'. Half of it doesn't even make sense... I should write poems for a living…I'd be a millionaire in no time! It reminds me of the quality of the lyrics in some pop songs...

Labels: poetry